March 2012
49 posts
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i literally just walked in on my own exorcism
what the fuck
living in a vicarage is weird as shit
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“I’m with you in Rockland
in my dreams you walk dripping from a...”
– Allen Ginsberg, from Howl (thanks, skippingthesurface)
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day 7. bit of a tricky and miserable one but i remain both perseverant and sober.
so tonight was my first meeting and, as expected, it was really really difficult. i was on the verge of tears the entire time, which was three hours. but it was encouraging. and sort of heartbreaking, because i had to write about who i’d hurt through my drinking and it brought all these horrible memories...
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post-it from last night
i am the sadness in your eyes and so i think that i should go. i think you’re looking for a part of me no-one will ever know.
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Elliott Smith- Don’t Go Down
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Modest Mouse- 3rd Planet
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so the meeting today went alright. cosmo seems lovely, and unlike any of the other psychiatrists/generally helpful people i’ve worked with before he’s a recovered alcoholic himself so he gets it. i thought i was doing a pretty good job of seeming balanced and normal until he asked me a series of yes/no questions that, like the good person i am, i answered honestly and got 11/18. turns...
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“This is not an exit.”
– Bret Easton Ellis, from American Psycho
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day one of sobriety. this is the third day one i’ve had in two weeks. still, it’s a working process and i’m working damn hard. trying to keep myself busy by re-decorating my room and re-learning guitar. the guitar’s going well… the room’s still a bit of a tip, not going to lie.
huuuhhhhhhh. recovery is hard.
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post-it from last night
This is not my life, It’s just a fond farewell to a friend. It’s not what I’m like, Just a fond farewell to a friend.
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post-it from last night
You’re a bag of warm fluid. You’re the corpse in the class.
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jeff was fucking brilliant tonight. small candlelit church filled with people singing along to an acoustic version of king of carrot flowers= me grinning like an idiot.
the plan was to wait around after and try and get him to sign my vinyl copy of aeroplane over the sea but there were so many die-hard NMH fans there that i would have been waiting hours to meet him- if he was even sticking around...
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post-it from last night
i’m not an alcoholic, i just care deeply about the welfare of newsagents and their families
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If we chip the paint, A chink of light, some false hope; Oh, but not today!
Those walls will crumble, Wings spread. You are beautiful And dressed like a bride.
Say goodbye now to That dull ache in your chest that Threatened every day.
As she soars, she knows It was worth every long night. It was worth the pain.
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the national- cold girl fever
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post-it from last night:
Your stars will all fade. Your dreams have aged so badly. Still you stay up nights
Trying to touch the Tip of your index and thumb Across your hipbones.
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elliott smith- something (beatles cover)
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